Lord, what are you doing?

      During the first five weeks of project, this was a question that I asked of the Lord daily. There were also other questions like “Where are you going with this? Why are you taking me through this? What purpose does this have in my life? How long are you going to leave me here? Are you even listening to me?” 

I was beginning to doubt God. I doubted who He was in my life. I doubted His very character and the promises that He had made to me. I was beginning to believe that He had abandoned me, left me, like He was holding out on me. There were prayers that he wasn’t answering, places in my life that he wasn’t satisfying, anxiety that he wasn’t taking away from me when I thought I was giving it up to Him.  Have you ever felt like this, or do you feel like this now? If you are, I have good news for you; there is hope.

     Through this period of doubt, unbelief, and all out wrestling with the Lord, He was there. As I reflect back on it now, He NEVER abandoned me, He didn’t leave me, and He definitely was not holding out on me. He put people in my life that just sat with me while I wrestled, friends that gave me cold hard truth when my stubborn heart didn’t want to hear it or believe it, they were the hands and feet of Jesus. He showed Himself so true through them. Of course it wasn’t an overnight switch that flipped and all of a sudden my feelings of doubt were gone. I still struggle with some of these questions and feelings, but one thing I do know is that God has not and will not leave me, He is there, and He is taking me through this so that He can reveal more of Himself to me. There are still prayers that I am waiting for Him to answer, anxiety that I am still trying to give to Him, and there are still characteristics of God that I am having a hard time believing. But by taking me through this hard time, the Lord was able to reveal Himself true and Holy, present and loving, close and compassionate. I will go through hard times, but friends, it is so worth it if I get to know my Creator more intimately. He longs to reveal Himself to us. This is the truth that I am resting in today, and the truth that I will continue to rest in because I know He is near.